Diary of a Low Budget Superhero

Do you ever hear about something that a person did that was so stupid, I mean so incredibly brainless, that your reaction is something like "Wha...why...ARE...PEOPLE...!?" It's like the act of stupidity was so powerful that just by hearing about it, a dam of dumb burst and sent a wave of stupid all the way from its origin to your brain where it took away your verbs. All your mouth can summon is "Why are people."

Follow up:

While I was just typing that, a recent news story popped into mind. This poor fucker. I wasn't actually THINKING of this guy as having done something stupid, and really, I feel horribly, terrible awful for him, but if I were this guy's friend, I would have to say, "Dude. Really? That's the solution that came to mind?"

This happened June 6th, a few weeks ago, in Connecticut. Guy was attempting to repair his furnace, stuck his left arm inside it, between the slats of the vents. He couldn't quite reach, so instead of saying "Damn, I can't reach," he forced his arm in further.

Don't read anymore if you have a delicate constitution.

Like I know anyone like that! You are all iron stomached, right?

Well, he got that arm stuck, but GOOD. He was actually trapped for an entire long, horrifying day, 18 hours. At which point he began to cut his arm off with his hand tools.

In the interviews he's very matter-of-fact about it. "I fashioned a tourniquet from a shirt," he calmly tells the cameras, and then describes the incredible ordeal of attempting a self-amputation. "The cut was going well, surprisingly well, for about half way through," he explains. But then the pain got to be too much (ya think?) and he passed out. Then the next day his work friend got worried about his unexplained absence. They found his dog barking, got into the house, found him, used the jaws of life to get him free and rushed him to the hospital. He's OK now, amazingly, save for the lack of a left arm anymore.

When I first saw the news story, it seemed for all the world like the guy had maybe seen one too many Saw movies. Well, even ONE is one-too-many Saw movies, but you know what I mean. He goes for amputation on the first day!? People have survived trapped for way longer than THAT without resorting to such a drastic act.

But now, a couple weeks later, the docs are saying that when his arm got stuck ("got" stuck, as though the arm acted on its own) it began to decay or decomp or whatever, and that by severing the arm the guy prevented toxins from entering the rest of his body and killing him.

I think they're just trying to make the guy feel better. It sounds like putting the best possible spin on a horrifying scene. In reality, he's like Hedwig. You know, of Angry Inch fame.

ONLY in my top five favorite movies ever conceived by pure genius.

Like young hopeful Hedwig, trapped on the wrong side of the Berlin wall and opting to undergo a sex change operation just to escape, by passing as the bride of an American soldier, only to have the operation botched and then, oh, the humanity, the wall came down anyway, just in time for Hedwig to be left destitute in blighted Junction City, Kansas.

If only he'd waited! The end of the ordeal was near, if only he'd known!

At least the furnace guy didn't get his johnson caught in the furnace. Hedwig lost everything but an angry inch down there. Furnace Arm Guy lost an arm. Every man would give up an arm to keep the goods. Also, Hedwig is fictional.

I wonder if Furnace Arm Guy was left-handed?

Here's the story:
http://article.wn.com/view/2010/06/11/Man_Trapped_in_Furnace_Amputated_Own_Arm_to_Live/

After telling that whole story, now I don't remember what I was actually thinking of when I started this entry about stupid things people do. Furnace Arm Guy made me forget.

Good luck with everything, Furnace Arm Guy. I couldn't have done what you did, and moreover, I'm still working out what the life lesson is here. "Never force your arm into a furnace" just seems like something that goes without saying.

Then again, so does "Never drill for ANYTHING without a fail-safe disaster recovery plan."

Ohhhh yes, NOW I remember what I was actually thinking of when I started this entry about stupid things people do, and I'm pissed and stunned and speechless all over again. The...you can't...it's so...ARGGH, WHY ARE PEOPLE!?