Diary of a Low Budget Superhero

As I happily wrap presents, tie sparkly ribbon into floppy bows and make decorations from faux greens and baubles from the Dollar Store, I notice that there seems to be a lot of humbugging going on among my friends and acquaintances this year.

Follow up:

A more-than-usual wringing of hands over travel, bitching about family and lamenting un-finished shopping. I've Merry Christmas'ed and Happy Holiday'ed everyone via greeting card (mine went out last week!) and email and Facebook, and while a few seem to be as happy to return enthusiastic cheer, there's an awful lot of grumping.

Cheer up, little soldiers! Everything is going to be fine! Worries, fears, anxieties? Just chuck it all off, make some delicious mulled cider and sing Frosty the Snowman in the shower.

I know, just saying "cheer up" won't help. There's nothing you can do to fix someone else's lack of holiday cheer. I myself have gone through a number of Christmases where it just didn't gel for me. Take 2002, for example, the last year that I went home for Christmas. Come to think of it, that was the last year I was with Hub, too. Actually wait...we weren't together as a couple anymore, but we did travel home to Connecticut for Christmas because he hadn't told his parents I'd moved out the prior month. We were kind of waiting to see what the universe would do next.

Believe me, I know that you can't coax Christmas spirit any more than you can summon your muse. If it doesn't come, it doesn't come, no matter how many times you sit through A Christmas Story.

It does feel a little off this year. For me I think it's because Joe doesn't seem to be quite so happy as he usually is at Christmas. Though he does get pretty cranky about traveling, once we're there he's the life of the party. Last year when we pitched in to get his parents a Wii, he was thrilled. It was his idea, it was a terrific idea and he couldn't WAIT to give it to them. I think the anticipation drove the whole season for him. This year he's kind of like dulled around the edges. Losing his job in October is part of it. Not because of the money, he got an okay severance and Unemployment is patching the hole. It's the pacing. I mean, since Thanksgiving he didn't seem to quite embrace that Christmas was coming. For ten years he's walked thru the Prudential Center Mall every day to get in and out of his office building. There's nothing like a downtown mall to impart the hustle and bustle of Christmas. Decorations, sales, Santa, music...how can you not be caught up? But he's been home instead, isolated from the seasonal antics.

It was Tuesday, December 9th. "Baby," I said, "really now, you have until tonight to think of something for your dad and brother, or I'll figure something out." We'd had the discussion before and so far no ideas were forthcoming.

"Why NOW, why do I have a deadline?" he said.

"Because whatever it is has to be shipped here, which I would like to arrive by this Friday, so that I can wrap it, and ship it next week to Cherry Hill."

Blank look.

"Baby. If it's not in a box, wrapped and shipped by the end of next week it may not make it for Christmas." It was only a question of dad and brother. I'd already had everything else (except for a monogrammed doormat for munk and Jen that didn't come even YET but had better by tomorrow.) Actually I was done before Thanksgiving. I even had a gift certificate for a restaurant that Joe's parents like a lot, that was arranged by phone and fax and mailed from New Jersey.

Friday came and went and then it was the week of the 15th. I went to Brookline Booksmith, because I love giving books and I knew I could come up with something. I told Joe that I would be shipping everything that day. "Christmas is next Thursday."

"But...it's..." I think was about to say "No it's not" before he realized.

Maybe that's what's going on with everyone. Like us, people are NOT traveling to where family is for one reason or another (for us, the Kowalski's came here a couple weeks ago and we had a mini-Christmas, but we only gave them one of their gifts). So less travel, and also less cash on hand because so many people have been downsized...

I dunno, I've gone through Christmases in near poverty that were merry and happy, and I've gone through Christmases where I've had thousands in the bank yet I could give a fuck what time of year it was. I don't think you make Christmas from making yourself crazy. You really have to kind of just...go with it. Don't force it, but also don't block all the good cheer coming your way.

Have a Merry Christmas, and a very Happy New Year.